While I am searching for new opportunities, writing more application letters and exploring various options, I am thinking about what I wanted to be when I was a little girl. Childhood memories fly by in my mind. I’m letting them pass by to guide me in making decisions about my next steps.I have always wanted to be a teacher. I also wanted to be mayor of a municipality in the north of the Netherlands. Literally no other reason than the awesome name of the place. I wanted to write books and be an artist. I don’t think I wanted to be a dolphin trainer.

What do these dreams tell me? When did I stop pursuing them? Or I am still dreaming about it in the back of my mind? At least I started working on my writing skills. But becoming mayor is probably not going to happen any where soon. Yet I could get another degree in teaching. This last week has made me think about my passions and dreams. Reflecting about what I really want, or even more, what is it that God wants for me. I believe that God has a plan for my life. Not a detailed agenda with a schedule for every day, but His goal for me is to honor Him in my every day life, love Him and others to the fullest extend possible. Yes, that’s not a particular specific plan of action. It counts for us all. The question for us to figure out is how to do this and in which way.

I believe one of the key elements is joy and desire. Two characteristics that children possess like no other, yet as we become older, we let our ratio take over. Right now that makes me question my reasoning about finding a job. Maybe I should just connect what I have learned in the past few years and see it as a toolbox and use that to make my childhood dreams come true. Sounds a bit vague, right? It probably won’t get me a job. Unless it brings me back to what my place should be. I might look back at this period in my life in a while from now and figure out what it was all good for. But right now, I am in the middle of a process with a lot of questions. Unanswered questions, an unknown future and childhood dreams all mixed up.