Day 38 – Single, together, alone

The topic I haven’t spend a lot of words on yet. Relationships. Dating. The joy of being single and then the happiness of being together. The pain of breaking up and being alone again. It’s not that I don’t have thoughts about it, but it’s that I don’t want to hurt anyone by my words. That is why this feels extra vulnerable. Because we have all been there.

Those frizzling moments of looking that one person in the eye that just feels different. The smile that you feel appear on your face and all the other faces in the room fade away. It’s that split second connection that feels new, yet so familiar.

What follows is the moments of exploring each other’s lives. Getting to know every little bit there is to a person. Being annoyed by that one habit, but you get over it. The moments of tension, when you are not quite sure how the other person behaves in an argument. Do they just keep everything in or do they explode. From being single you evolve into being together and it changes you. It changes the way your days look like. The way that you feel when you wake up or go to sleep.

Yet love is hard work. If there is one thing I am absolutely sure of, it’s that. Love is freaking hard work. That is why I am a big believer into the friends first relationship, because with friends that investing in the relationship is already a foundation to being in each other’s lives. Attraction and chemistry, the firing neurons in your brain only last so long. Love is choosing to commit to someone. Not because they are the most perfect person in the world, because no one really is, but because you believe they are worthy and deserving of sharing love.

In the end, it doesn’t just always end up being rainbows and unicorns though. Sometimes you discover pretty quickly that the distance is too hard. That you are not ready to commit to a future together. I am not just a believer of the friends first relationship, but also that dating should always be intentional. The whole open relationship kind of thing that I see around me, never seems to work out. There needs to be intention and purpose to dating someone. I’ve seen relationships that end because one cannot fulfill the needs of the other. So intention and purpose aren’t on the same page.

Around me people are dealing with broken hearts as well as finding a way into living together as a newly married couple. Being in your twenties is that exciting time where everything in the spectrum of relationships is somehow happening. I am not a dating expert. Not at all. Even if you might ask me advice. All I will probably do is just patiently listen, give some examples from my own experiences and let you figure it out on your own. Because I can’t do it for you.

I am currently not in a relationship and have been running away from anyone who would come slightly close in the past couple years. Not ready for a commitment. Too comfortable with being on my own. Yet I do feel that something is changing. I am slowly warming myself up for the idea that I could be ready to meet someone new or fall for that one person who has been there all along. There is no one who can do that for me. I will just have to do that on my own too, because becoming together takes courageous singles.

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