Day 50 – To choose or not to choose

The first 50 days are over! I freaking did it. Wrote 50 blogs so far. And you know what? I am proud of myself for sticking with it. This weekend I visited one of my dear camp sisters in Maastricht. I wrote about that yesterday. She asked me: “how do you keep finding inspiration?” Being at day 50, I decided to engage with that question. How do I find inspiration to write? To be very honest with you, it’s as simple as making a choice to write about what happens. Observing the little things in life, like the sun breaking through the clouds while crossing the river in Maastricht and connecting those observations to wider thoughts somewhere floating around in my mind.

So it comes down to choices. Do I wake  up early to write or not? Do I  write down a thought in the train or  along the way to keep for a  future blog? Do I  go outside to take that beautiful picture capturing nature as it is in that moment and will never be again? Do I write about the conversation we had earlier? If I do, how do I keep your secrets safe with me, while sharing the context for my readers? 

But it is all those choices  together that make this writing adventure what it is. I am in such a uncertain time in my life, in which I could go all sorts of different ways. Does closing one door mean that another is about to open? We all make choices in our every day life. Big choices about breaking a relationship that is unhealthy or to start studying again. But also small choices to take the car instead of the bike. To stay at home instead of meeting that friend. 

To ignore or to embrace. 

To see or to look away.

To accept or to resist.

To deny or to confirm.

To open up or to stay hidden.

To trust and go or to stay behind.

“[E]very time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different than it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing into a heavenly creature or a hellish creature: either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God, and with its fellow creatures, and with itself. To be the one kind of creature is heaven: that is, it is joy and peace and knowledge and power. To be the other means madness, horror, idiocy, rage, impotence, and eternal loneliness. Each of us at each moment is progressing to the one state of the other.”

Mere Christianity – C.S. Lewis

I have a long way to go in other to write it down like C.S. Lewis did, but he captures exactly what this blog is about. When I started I had no idea, but now I slowly discover the point. It’s about asking myself which choices I make on a daily basis and noticing the effect of those choices on the long run. In order to write something useful and entertaining every day, I have to choose again. Every single day. To get up early. To read that interesting article. To meet that friend. To simply live each moment, knowing that it may be small and insignificant, but realising it could well be a defining choice stirring me towards a creature of some sorts. 

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