Day 75 – I. am. not. giving. up.

Today’s picture is a #throwbackthursday one. There really wasn’t anything spectacular to photograph about today, other than utter greyness. It’s the dark days before Christmas, you know the story. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t something beautiful in each day. Today’s greyness took me back to when I walked in the beautiful sun of spring. In the spring of 2015 I walked a little bit of the Camino de Santiago in Spain. My first Camino experience was one to never forget. I walked with a group of students from all different backgrounds and it was definitely my highlight of my time living in Spain. Last may I walked another part. Starting at one of the very beginnings at the Dutch coast, in Sint Jacobiparochie to be precise. I walked about 170 kilometers in 6 days. I shared a day and a half with a friend, but mostly walked by myself relying on people’s hospitality and rewinding The feet in that picture are from somewhere at the end of day 4 I think. You can’t actually see how painful and blistered they were. Thank you Instagram for helping me out here with the filter here. But heck no, I wasn’t going to give up.

When I saw some random Facebook post day-75-giving-uptoday about giving up. Normally I scroll past these pictures and never really pay too much attention, but this one got me. Excited to announce I am giving up. Of course it’s ironic, but in which way. It made me question whether we should be more honest about giving up. It’s okay to share that your life isn’t always perfect. That’s what I try to do with this blog as well. I don’t always know. Sometimes things don’t work out the way you planned them. Giving up one thing will eventually bring you somewhere else. It’s not the end of the world. And it is decision that you will have to own.

Yet I also know that I am not an easy quitter. I like to finish things that I start. Once I made a decision to go for something, I will just really go for it and do everything I can to make it happen. I remember the pain and my blistered feet. It took a good few weeks after my second Camino adventure to heal. I had underestimated the physical challenge. I assumed that it would be easier in the Netherlands since everything was flat, but I didn’t realise that walking on concrete and streets for the most part, was tough for my feet. Especially after my feet got soaking wet on day 2, which was the source of my blisters. But I didn’t give up.

I could have easily gotten to the closest town to find a bus or a train to take me home, however I decided that I wasn’t going to do that. Believe me, I had moments when I wanted to just quit. Especially the 10 kilometers walking in the rain next to a highway. Not fun. Yet something about the journey taught me that I am determined. I am ambitious. If I want to do something, I will do everything I can to make that happen. Even if it hurts.

Because it will hurt. The past few months have not been the easiest. Starting this blog has really helped me through some of the harder days. Finding my way as a recent graduate, finding a job, struggling through rejection and disappointed. It isn’t something I just do. I’ve had my moments where I cried. When I felt that I wasn’t judged fairly and simply rejected because of living in the wrong place in the country. I found it very frustrating that others decide for you that they think what is best for you.

Yet I also haven’t really had a moment in which I gave up. Even though a plan or job opportunity fell through, I always had something else on the line. Another chance, another possibility. In the beginning of this week I accepted a position as trainee at a really awesome company that I am really excited about. I wrote about it earlier this week and I probably will write about it more in the next few months. But I realised today that all through the past few months, I never really gave up. Sure, I was frustrated and disappointed at times. I wanted to give up and just crawl in my bed to read all the books in the world. Yet I chose to write instead. Start my own blog. Share my not so perfect life. Because in the end I don’t think I am a quitter.

I am not going to end with some awesome quote about someone who said something brilliant about giving up. Go to YouTube and find motivational speaker videos and have a blast. All I am going to end with today is the greeting that I learned on my first day of my first pilgrimage: Buen Camino! Wishing you a good journey.

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