Day 107 – Butterflies in my stomach

Do you know that feeling? Butterflies in your stomach? I see you all thinking. “Is she in love?” Okay, I’m not in love. Or maybe I am. But I am keeping that information for myself. At least for now. I want to write about a different type of butterflies. The butterflies you get when you wake up after a good night sleep and are motivated for a new day. The butterflies you get when you are starting a new project. The butterflies you get when you finally clean up your room, ready to move to new destinations. The butterflies that I feel when I find my purpose.

I wrote about purpose a couple months ago. With a picture of a little sketch in my notebook. The one with crossing circles of passion, mission, profession and vocation. Today I saw that sketch again on my phone. I saw the picture of it. That reminded me of the blog post. I wrote it in a time in which I really had no idea where to go and what would happen. I ended the blog with this quote:

Even though it might seem I’ve got them pretty much into place, it doesn’t always feel that way. The question is how do you achieve a perfect balance with each of these elements. Purpose doesn’t just fall out of the sky or is given to you on a piece of paper from heaven. It’s a search, it’s the feeling of waking up with energy to get your day started. It takes courage and perseverance to find purpose and then to hold on to it.

– me

Today’s blog isn’t about wanting to quote myself. But it’s about finding a pattern in my writing and in my search. In trying to find purpose, I have learned that it isn’t one big grand choice I need to make. Every little moment is part of your purpose. It’s messy. Like my room was three weeks ago. It’s unpredictable. It’s also changeable. It’s not set in stone. It adjusts according to time, circumstances, people, happiness, sadness, love. Purpose isn’t a clear note delivered straight from heaven. It can be, but often it’s those butterflies in your stomach.

That moment you feel the first warm air of beautiful day of spring. Because it’s your purpose to live again. That moment you get to see the person again you all of the sudden fell for. Because it’s you purpose to share life. That moment that someone tells you a story and you see it play out in your head, like images of a breath-taking movie. Because it’s your purpose to start something new. All moments of butterflies.

It’s going to be messy. You gotta clean up. Do your work. Prepare. Be focused. But also simply allow yourself to fall in love. With that friend. With that project. With that opportunity. With that moment of butterflies, because you know your life will never be quite the same again.

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