Day 114 – Winter season

I never like winter that much. It’s cold. It’s dark. People get sick. Never enough energy. I wish I was one of those hibernating bears. A whole season of sleep sounds great. But yesterday, someone triggered me to reconsidering the winter season. A speaker in church talked about life in different seasons and how you go through all them at some point and sometimes all at the same time. “Winter” he said, “is a season of rest.” So based on his own experience he went through a period of grief, loss and heartache in fall and got to rest during winter.

Today I went for a long walk to get my thoughts straight. The past few weeks have been really tiring. More so than I expected. Moving to a new place, finding a new rhythm and while still being in the middle of so many choices. It never seems to end. But after going through a season of fall in the past few months in which I had to really find myself again, I need to take moments to rest. To let my season of winter exist without rushing to spring.

To be honest with you, it’s in my character not to rest. I mean, I love going to bed early. I love reading, watching a nice movie every now and then, but really rest? Not so much. That is why I have been practicing with silence for a couple years now. Because if I don’t practice being still, it’s not going to happen. I am like a train that just keeps going from one project to the next.

So letting winter be a season of rest and stillness instead of just wanting to get it over with, is a new way of looking for me. But today I decided to practice with how that feels and I went for a long walk. 10+ kilometers with our dog while it was just around 0 degrees Celsius outside. The trees and plants were white because of frozen fog. As I watched the tens of robins watch me from the side of the roads and paths, I noticed how the first birds already started chirping again. When I got home around 4 pm, it wasn’t getting dark yet. The winter cold is resting, but also slowly moving into the direction of spring again.

You have to be still. Pay attention and watch the little details. But they are there. The season of loss is over. Now it’s just waiting until the days get longer and the sun gets stronger again. It doesn’t happen overnight though, so in the mean time just wait patiently. The kilometers helped me today in settling that message in my heart and mind. So I am telling myself today that it’s okay to rest and to be in a season of winter. Don’t start too soon again with sowing and planting. Allow yourself that break. Allow yourself the stillness.Spring will be here again before you know it.

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