Day 145 – Spring in the storm

It’s storming. The wind is blowing like crazy in the chimney. I’ve been cold the whole day. I am tired too. It’s dark now. But just before I got home, I saw a little crocus in our garden. Waiting for just a bit more sun in the storm. It’s small little head in the wind. Hopeful that it will become spring soon. A tiny bit of hope.

“Instructions for living a life.
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.”
Mary Oliver

I am taking a deep breath. I don’t feel very alive today. I put my energy into work and now it’s gone. I wish I was more like one of our cats. Then I could just sleep all day and cuddle on the couch when I wanted. I always get tired when I have a lot going on in my head.

During the past week I have been thinking about my blog. I’m over 1/3 of my writing adventure. In a way I feel like I am going to keep writing, no matter what. But then who really knows what is going to happen in an hour or tomorrow. We plan, we schedule, we organise. But rarely do things exactly go the way we plan them.

Trying to be in control is something that I find very attractive. I like knowing what happens next. Yet I’ve learned by now that I am happiest when I can let go of control. When I am paying attention. When I am astonished by the world.

Some days when I am cold and tired, it’s the little things, like that purple crocus in the storm, that remind me that spring will come again. Even though it’s storming outside today. Even though it’s storming in my head sometimes, things well be okay. It’s going to be spring soon!

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