Day 154 + 155 – Melting hearts of stone

So it turns out that even the Netherlands has remote areas without internet access. So when I drafted a blog yesterday during a weekend with church I couldn’t upload what I wrote. Now I am in the train on my way home and I am trying bring all thoughts together. I am having quite a few of them, so consider this one a therapeutic rant to get it out of my head and let it sink deeper in my heart.

Point of learning 1. 

I am getting old. Seriously, I am not 16 anymore. 5 hours of sleep really isn’t enough anymore in between intense days. My teenage days are over. I am not even a student anymore. I’ve also learned that’s completely okay. There really is a time for everything and now is a time of moving on to the next phase. 

Point of learning 2.

Letting your walls down is incredibly hard. Someone said to me: “but it seems so easy for you to talk about what you feel, I just don’t do that.” So many of us prefer to talk superficially about what we feel or not talk at all. And I get that. It’s just easier to say you’re okay. It’s much harder to find words for the things that live in places where no one can hear them, see them or touch them. 

Point of learning 3.

Why don’t we talk? Usually it’s a combination of shame, guilt and fear of judgment. We realise that we are very far away from the person we want to be. We recognize our hearts of stone. We are scared that others will think differently about us. But what you give attention will grow. And that goes both ways: positive and negative. If you give that shame attention you will feel more scared of the opinions of others. But if you see that brokenness as opportunity of growth, hearts of stone will break. They will become hearts of flesh.

Point of learning 4.

Being the perfect person doesn’t mean anything if you don’t know Love. Say you don’t have those areas of progress in your life. You know exactly who you are and that is absolutely perfect. Unless you are narcissistic I don’t really believe you, but that’s not the point. Because even if you are, it would be meaningless. Only through Love our brokenness becomes growth. 

Point of learning 5.

All of the above is only given by Jesus. Seek Him and you will find. More than you can ever imagine. 

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