I catch myself thinking that I am not adjusting fast enough.. which probably isn’t true. Just an irrational thought based in unrealistic expectations. I should probably stop worrying about it immediately. Exactly 2 weeks ago I walked into this office compound, not knowing what to expect. Not knowing how the next hours and days would look like. Figuring a new life out on my own. Alone, but far from lonely.
I’ve always liked to be independent. To have the freedom to explore my own ways and my own opinions. I recently read an article that had as a main message that you would have a friend for life at all times if you would be okay with being alone. Living in my own little house with only a small social circle in Kampala, it is more than logical that I am spending time with myself at the moment. And that’s okay.
You could consider it a downside of making a big move. You will sacrifice some social aspects of a previous life in order to build up a new one. I’ve recently been really thinking about what it means to be alone. And how being alone shapes the meaningful connections you have, or don’t have, with others. I’ve learned to love my more introverted side. I’ve been living with this idea for a while that being an extrovert was preferred over being an introvert. But I have slowly adjusted my view as I learned more and more to cherish my own introvert characteristics. It doesn’t mean I am not social. On the contrary, I have times in my life which are just filled with an abundance of social contacts from all sorts of different circles. It just means that I need my time alone to regain energy and to find my inner balance again.
“We are alone when we pray, think, contemplate, and when we form the core of our character and our faith.”
– Josh Hamm, writer
So as I am adjusting to this new phase of my life. I realise that I need to take time and that I need to be alone. But don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t mean that I don’t need anyone. Especially at changing and confusing times, I love having close connections with people that really matter to me. That is why I am now investing time in Skype calls and emails too. But I also need time for just me. It allows me to take that precious time and contemplate, pray and reflect. As much as I value input from others and appreciate new social connections, I feel the need to take it easy. To not rush it. To not force it. Simply to accept the gift of loneliness and let it take me to new heights.
“Loneliness, when accepted, becomes a gift that will lead us to find a purpose in life.”