While my backpack is still drying up from cleaning after my last trip, I stumble across an article with the title: “Backpacking around the world won’t fix you.” Great. Just what I was looking for. I click the article away. Yet somewhere in the back of my mind, I know that it’s exactly what I should read. So I get a cup of hot chocolate (it’s never warm enough for a good cup of hot chocolate) and put my drawing book aside. And I start reading.

And o, I am so guilty of everything the article is putting on the beautiful, yet crazy quarter-life crisis millennials. I totally compare my life on social media with the people I went to college with. I travel the world, climb mountains and meet amazing new people, which I will happily talk about. But I don’t want to share too much about being exhausted at 8 pm after an intensive workday, and still having to put clean sheets on my bed. I skipped on my morning yoga today. I add too many home-made oatmeal cookies yesterday.

But I don’t want to share too much about being exhausted at 8 pm after an intensive workday, and still having to put clean sheets on my bed. I skipped on my morning yoga today. I add too many home-made oatmeal cookies yesterday.

And in the midst of it all, I am still wondering where my life is going. I feel imperfect. Unsatisfied. But also incredibly happy and okay. Confusing, huh?

The following bit in the article really got to me:

Instead of questioning the dissatisfaction in our own hearts, we question our circumstances and place hope in a grand adventure or big move. This is a notion that was captured in Elizabeth Gilbert’s popular 2006 memoir “Eat, Pray, Love” and Cheryl Strayed’s “Wild.” In these stories, young protagonists leave former lives and loved ones behind to find a more meaningful existence, embarking on self-actualizing adventure treks.

Here’s the thing. Running off to the next big adventure isn’t going to fix your contentment issues. I know, because I’ve done it.

There I am. Thinking to myself. Am I not doing exactly the same thing?

Just at the point where I realised that I am very content with the place I am in right now, I feel myself doubting my own motivation again. Questioning why I am doing this.

In a way, I am okay with all this going back-and-forth. As long as it leads me to the right place. Which is where I am right now.

In the service of God’s Kingdom. Being broken down bit by bit every day in order to grow more and more like Jesus. And with all my confusion, doubts and imperfection, I hope to shine some of His lights through my cracks.

Who knows, maybe I’ll start writing my own ‘young protagonist on adventure’ books someday soon. I already know how it will end. Only Jesus can do the fixing.

In the meantime, I have finished my cup of hot chocolate and I am going to sleep. Because I am tired. Tomorrow is another day to crush the quarter life crisis.