I’ve been staring at this screen for about half an hour now. I can’t really type, cause I burned my fingers on a very hot pan. I am trying to decide on what to write. Thoughts are flowing through my brain like a strong wind on an autumn day. Don’t ask me why that metaphor came up in my mind. I have no idea. I am tired. I got a lot of work done today, but as a result, I can’t really process my own thinking anymore.

Today started with an unexpected week opening. I checked the schedule the other week, but it appeared to be an old one. Should have checked the new one. Either way, sometimes things are better when you don’t plan them. Because you can’t hide behind preparation anymore. You just have to go with what your hearts tells you to share.

So I did. I talked about one of my favourite chapters in the Bible. John 15. Because it’s about vines, love and growth. Seems to be a theme in my life at this moment. About brokenness as a part of the natural cycle of life. About struggling with always wanting to be the best version of myself. Always wanting to be in full bloom, rather than accepting the process of growth and brokenness. Rather than simply being enough at is. Receiving my daily bit of water and sunshine. Taking time.

Simply being enough. That’s okay. That’s good. It’s all that is needed.

I’m trying to learn how to do that.

Being okay with being on the bumpy road.

Through all the thoughts and thinking a song comes up in my mind. A crack in the door filled with light. That’s all I need to get by.

There was a greatness I felt for a while
But somehow it changed
Some kind of blindness I used to protect me
From all of my stains
Yeah I wish this was vertigo
But it just feels like I’m falling slow

Oh if God is on my side
Then who can be against me

Yeah in this wasteland where I’m livin’
There is a crack in the door filled with light
And it’s all that I need to get by
Yeah in this wasteland where I’m livin’
There is a crack in the door filled with light
And it’s all that I need to shine

– Wasteland by Needtobreathe –