Day 240 – Dear future husband,

First of all, please don’t freak out. We haven’t even met yet. Or maybe we have, and I just haven’t realised yet. Either way, I can’t wait for the day that we do get to meet. Or the day we meet again. Please don’t be afraid to take some initiative. I won’t bite or reject you instantly. I am a bit of a slow burner and will probably just need some time to get to know you a bit before anything happens. Just bear with me, okay?

Writing a blog to you this way feels sort of weird. But after using some creative writing styles in translating a proposal call for a colleague (basically that was me typing ‘blabla’ at every unnecessary mention of law articles or other non-relevant content information), I decided to use some creative freedom in writing this blog today. Please don’t take it too seriously.

What made me decide to write you? Well, simply because of starting a family. And since that is something which I don’t necessarily want to do on my own (even though with today’s technology I probably can), I decided to write to you. We will probably, hopefully, have this conversation at some point in our future relationship in person. About kids and so. Again, please don’t freak out. I think it’s not such a big deal. It’s part of life. I don’t know a lot of people who absolutely don’t have a desire to have a family of their own someday. But today I realised it might not be that simple. Because we live in a very, very messy world.

The text I translated today talked about millions of children dying of starvation. Now I have absolutely not the slightest idea of what that is like, because I was one of the few lucky kids that was born in the top percentage of wealthy people in the world. Not that my family is like super rich or so, but yes, there was always food, so in a way we are. And I have always wanted a family of my own. But do I still want that knowing in which kind of world they will have to grow up?

So I translated the proposal about the dying kids and the severe malnutrition. After work I checked the news and I read an article about a recent study that advocated for women (and men!) to go see their GP as soon as they want to have kids. Family planning can’t start early enough apparently. Don’t drink. And be careful with those painkillers. Do everything to give your kid the best possible start in the world was the main message of the study.

In principle there is nothing wrong with that, I guess… But somewhere it does feel wrong. Or at least off balance. What about all those mothers and fathers that have kids that can’t go to school and suffer from famine? What about their future? What about their ‘best possible start’?

I am not saying we shouldn’t have kids. Neither I am saying that we should just adopt twenty kids and at least give them something to eat. Maybe the best is to just meet somewhere in the middle. Live life, let it happen. Have a family. Raise those kids with hearts full of compassion. Somehow try not to ruin them too much, so they realise someday that they aren’t just here on this planet to serve their own interest, but that of others.

I just realised this is definitely a very vague blog post. I don’t even know why I wanted to share this with you, dear future husband… Husband is such a strange word by the way. I don’t know. It just sounds kind of official and not very attractive either. But since you are hopefully going to want a family with me some day I am just going to trust that you’ll find a way with these thoughts. You’re also going to have 239 more days to catch up on in this blog if you want a crash course in getting to know your future wife.

And maybe I don’t even want you to do that. Maybe I just want you to be you. With your own thoughts about having a family some day. Or with none of these thoughts. That’s totally fine. Because after all, that’s what this crazy 365-day project is. Just thoughts. Please don’t take this too serious. This is just me mumbling my way through confusing thoughts. I don’t really have it all together all the time. And that’s also totally fine. Since I am being open and honest about this whole family thing I might as well tell you already that I usually brush my teeth with my eyes closed and I have Christmas lights in my living room all year long. We all have our weird habits, don’t we? In the end, it’s about being vulnerable and simply saying ‘here I am’ with all the beautiful imperfections in a messed-up world.

And that’s then what we call love. Even though it doesn’t really mean anything until someone comes along to give it meaning. And it’s usually the last key on the ring that opens the door, right?

So yeah, thanks for being patient with me. I’ll meet you soon (again)!

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