When I get to full numbers, like 250, I always get a bit emotional, nostalgic and reflective. The last couple days I have already been playing around with topics in my mind about what to write on day 250. I mean, 250. Isn’t that crazy? I am secretly a bit proud of myself for making it so far. But today isn’t going to be a happy celebration entry.
Over the last week, I have been following the Dutch new a little closer than I have been doing since I got to Uganda. In general, I would say that The Netherlands feels far away. I am mainly focused on my life here. And that’s totally okay. I guess it’s called Carpe Diem. Living in the moment and all that jazz.
The reason I have been following the news closer isn’t necessarily nice though. It’s because of two 14-year-old girls. About a week ago both disappeared. Never came home after school. Within a few days, two bodies were found. Murdered. While the investigations are going on, I’ll spare you the details, I keep on thinking about these 2 girls.
I am exactly ten years older. I’ve been given ten (!) more years than these two girls. And how knows, maybe my life will be over soon. Maybe I’ll get sick, get into a car accident. Who knows. And I don’t want to be a pessimist. Cause really I am not someone who is negative or angry easily. I am generally always the type who thinks the glass is half full rather than half empty. I am easily satisfied with small things, like this morning, when I found a tea bag of one of my favourite green tea flavours, that I didn’t even know I had. It’s these tiny moments that make me happy.
Yet then there is the bigger picture. Paulo Coelho captures it so truthfully in one of my favourite books, Manuscript found in Accra:
We all know what awaits us in the future: the Unwanted Visitor, who could arrive at any hour, without warning, and say: ‘Come with me.’
And however much we may not want to, we will have no choice. At the moment, our greatest joy, or perhaps our greatest sadness, will be to look back at the past and answer the question: ‘Did I give enough love?’
We must love. I am not speaking only of love for another person. Loving means being open to miracles, to victories and defeats, to everything that happens each day that is given us to walk upon the face of the Earth.
So through the week, I’ve been praying for these girls. For their families. Their friends. Their schools. Since that is all I can do.
And then I don’t know how long my life will be. If I will be given another 10 ten years. Or 50 years. Or ten days. All I know is to love and to trust.
I believe it all comes down to these two things. To love and to trust.
Within the past couple days, those verses from Proverbs have come on my way in several distinct ways. I don’t even know how that happened. I only know that I clearly needed to hear them.
Life is short, people.
It really is. It definitely was too short for the two 14-year old girls.
I don’t know what I am really trying to say. Other than that 250 blogs is a lot. For me, these past 250 days of being 24 have been one of the best adventures of my life. It’s been scary to be so vulnerable through these words that are publicly available to people I don’t even know and probably never will, as much as to those that I just got to know or have known all my life. These past 250 days have taught me more than ever though what it means to love. They have taught me what it means to trust. To be safe in your own vulnerability. So even if I don’t make the 365 days. I can honestly say that I am not scared to leave the face of this Earth. Because with every little vein in my body and breath that I took I have tried. To love and to trust. And God knows that’s enough. Because in the end, it doesn’t depend on me, but on Him. And his Faithfulness and Love are never ending. Not ten days. Not 250 days. Not 14 years or 24 years. Never ending.