For those of you who don’t know yet. I am a huge C.S. Lewis fan. I can’t say I agree with him on everything, probably due to the different times in which we both lived. Someone called him once a ‘romantic rationalist’. And honestly, I kinda like that description. I am sure there are people that know me that would say those words fit me too. dear heart.
“Courage, dear heart.”
I woke up with those words this morning. Tired after a long day of travelling, yet another day in the office before the weekend to go.
I am in a bus. It’s a long, long bus ride. I am pretty okay. The sun is setting. I am dusty, sweaty and tired.
I am sweeping my house. In pyjamas and a hoodie. Barefoot. Singing. Sleeping after I write this.
Somewhere today I found the courage I lacked this morning. And not because I am such a great super women (I wish), but simply because I didn’t know how to move on anymore. I was literally in front of my computer typing an email when the tears came up in my eyes. Maybe it’s just hormones, maybe it’s just being tired. Maybe it’s just feeling hurt.
So what I did next. I grabbed a post-it note. An ugly, orange post-it note and I wrote down a little prayer. Sometimes like this: “God, I don’t know how to do my work anymore. Please help me.”
I haven’t finished writing it when someone walks in and literally answers my prayer in a practical yet super helpful way.
It’s like God is giving me a big bear hug straight from heaven.
I keep working with a smile on my face and a thank you in my heart.
As children, when we hurt we wrapped our arms around our parents and they held us until we cried it all out. This is what God wants me to do with Him. And the trust this builds gives me a security safer than anything in this world. And when I see I am ultimately safe, it assures me I can love again.
I will heal, and I will learn to love in wiser ways. But God whispers to me all the while, “It is still worth it to love again.”