Day 322 – About feeling anxious and self care

Pff, I’m tired. I should be all energized from my leave and ready to get back into work. But maybe I am not. But just a couple texts from a friend already make such a difference.

And while I am heating up some tomato soup and cutting up my own mini-tomatoes, my guard walks buy. We just planted some carrots and lettuce in the garden. He is sweeping. I am cooking. My thoughts wander everwhere. I don’t really want to get into all those emails just yet. I don’t know if I am ready for all the questions, demands, information and work that lies ahead. Yet I also know that I am capable and things will be just fine. My guard stops sweeping and says: “Do you know that you are going to be a good leader?” I look at him with surprise. How does he know what I am thinking about? How does even have a clue that I am worried about work? “You are going to get far in this

“You are going to get far in this organisation. I just know. I’ve seen many people come and go, you are one of those that will go far.”

The words are going straight to my heart. Just like the email from my dad earlier today. Both men know exactly what I am thinking and what to say.

I decide it’s time for a self-care evening. So I am eating my soup. My avocado toast. My green tea. Candles. A bit of music. I write in my journal and read books. I do my nails and simply sit on the couch in my oversized camp shirt.

I honestly don’t know what the future brings. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow or next week. I wish I could just peek into the future and see that all will be just fine. But then I know it will be fine. As long as I learn to trust Jesus more and more. It’s especially in moments like these that I feel the need to be still and listen. To read. To write. To spend time on bringing all those worrying thoughts with Jesus. Learning to let go. It’s so ridiculously hard.

But maybe all I have to do is open my eyes and see the open door right in front of me. And go through. Next chapter of my life. More exciting, challenging and more rewarding than the ones before.

I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.

Revelation 3:8

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