And then that moment arrives. My final day. Tomorrow I will turn 25. Tonight, I am throwing a small birthday party already since tomorrow is just another normal working day. Yesterday I already started reflecting a bit in my blog on the past year. I hardly know where to start. But here’s to the end. To one year of writing (almost) every day. A year with ups and downs. A year with steep learning curves. With goodbye and new hello’s. And I want to say thank you.
I guess that’s the main emotion that’s going through my mind and heart right now. I am just incredibly grateful for what this year has brought me. But more so, for you. You who have been there with me. I often heard from people that found it incredibly vulnerable of me to share about each and every day. Especially the ones that were tough and hard, in which I felt broken and tired and alone, resonated with you as a reader. Those blogs were the ones that resulted in a bunch of personal messages. As a result, I wasn’t so alone anymore. I felt that deep strong connection that makes us all human.
Strength in vulnerability
Recently I met someone who said: “you are definitely one of the most driven almost 25-year-olds I have ever met.” But I often don’t feel so strong. When I came up with this blog, I was living with my parents again after 5 years of independence. Summer was ending. And winter is definitely not my favorite season (jeeij for living in a country on the equator now). I didn’t have a job. I didn’t really know what my diplomas would bring me. You could say I was a bit lost. And in the middle of all of that I decided to start writing. Because as I wrote yesterday, dreams only really do come true if you are willing to work hard for them and if you really believe in them.
I started my blog with that well-known C.S. Lewis quote about being vulnerable.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe and dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.
To love is to be vulnerable.”
And o how I have loved this blogging adventure. I’ve given it my full heart. Even though I will go offline for a bit, because I need to find a new balance again without this blog, I will not stop writing. Because it has become a lifeline to process, to deal with brokenness and to celebrate joy. It has become a way of breathing. It has become such a part of my life that I wouldn’t want to miss it.
Thank you. Thank you for being part of these 365 bits and pieces of my life as a 24-year-old.
I am going to end this chapter of my life now. Move on the next. And I am more ready for it. And since I started this blog with C.S. Lewis, I might as well end with it. Because after all:
“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”