I am really cold. It's freezing all day long and I can't stand it. I am not very much a person that is made for cold. My body doesn't really handle it to well. Stuffed noses, freezing fingers and energy-levels of a bear in his winter sleep. I'm not sure if I could go a few months without eating or drinking, but the idea of crawling into a nice hole and just sleeping is nice. At least the cold has been complimented with some beautiful blue skies and sunny days.
What's behind the door? Behind your facade? Behind the Christmas ribbons and colourful decorations? In the case of the picture I took yesterday it's a Dutch candy store, but I am sure that behind most windows you won't just find sweet stuff. People are just like decorated windows. Beautifully put together from the outside, a little less well together from the inside.
It's cold and white outside. The sun just rose above the horizon. The white world blends into the golden morning sun. The world seems peaceful and still. Enduring the cold while resting in a phase of early winter. But although it seems quiet outside, inside me I don't match that level of stillness.
Today is the first Sunday of Advent. It's a time of waiting, expecting and anticipating until we celebrate the birth of Jesus at Christmas. Exactly at the moment when I couldn't be more frustrated with waiting, that's what a church community world wide is going to do. The new liturgical year starts with a month of waiting. In a way that helps me to put things into perspective. Just at the moment when I am completely done with it, I am confronted with learning to change waiting into expecting.
I want to know. I want to know what I am supposed to do next. Which path to choose. Which way to go. Which decision is the right one. I don't know. I want to know. Call me impatient. Judge me for my willingness to be in control. Sometimes, or quite often, I just don't understand myself. I am trying to make sense of what is going on in my mind and heart and I simply don't know. I know that the path is out there, it just covered in mist.
So many words. The world is filled with so many words. It's post election week in the US. In the Netherlands there is a court case against one of the populist party leaders. People keep speaking words that hurt. In the discussion, debates, articles, news items. I don't know anymore what to say. That is why this week I was thankful for all the pictures of the sunsets and sunrises that everyone posted all over social media.
breaks my heart. The little boy asking over and over again "will I die?" He doesn't understand what's happening. Where everyone is and why he is in so much pain. The incredible pain, the tears and most of all the utter confusion on that little boy's face.
Yesterday I spent my day working on a project proposal. Even though I don't miss the days writing and rewriting behind my laptop from my studying days, because it makes me tired to stare at a screen. It makes me wonder what it is that I am willing to keep doing that again and again. I've been giving it some thought and if there is one thing that I have learned over the past few weeks is that I need purpose.
Maybe you've heard about the new documentary Before the Flood from Leonardo DiCaprio. I still have to watch it, but I've heard good things about it and will definitely take time to watch it soon. The storm of this weekend showed me again that the world is changing. Weather is getting extremer and frankly, we are screwing up the planet. Talking about creation and how we are dealing with this planet gets me excited, angry and passionate. Because we really do need to do something about it.